Thursday, January 28, 2016

Trouble Sleeping

I am too old and too feeble to get the "giggles."

But last night, while trying to go to sleep, I got the giggles.

You see, Tuesday afternoon I had surgery for the excision of a scrotal mass. That is part-and-parcel to the cancer that is trying - with some success - to bring me down (to ashes).

Well, before they roll you into the OR, they prep you in pre-Op where 5 or six others are also being prepped for other surgeries. These days, they not only wash and shave you, they mark up your body with the location and type of procedure and then do the IV thing.

The fellow on the other side of the curtain, we will call him "Cowboy Doofus" for the sake on anonymity, was asked his medical history by the anesthesiologist for obvious reasons... (e.g. how did you respond to mild sedation?; spinal tap?; general?...)

Cowboy Doofus took it as an opportunity to tell his life story - through his own distorted (and short-sighted) perception...

I tried to keep him "tuned out" with limited success.

One of his fables went: "Well, everyone was out drinking one weekend..." (EVERYONE? that diminishes his responsibility and or stupidity???) and I was in the back seat of an oldsmobile cutlass...

Three days later, I woke up in a coma... (he might have meant woke up FROM a comatose state)...

That's a little like "graduated high school" instead of "graduated FROM high school." My sister was horrified to learn that born-and-raised Americans sometimes take ESL because their English Proficiency Placement Tests indicate that they are not yet ready to take Remedial English in College.

Many, but not all, of these students are home-schooled with all the trappings of Biblical Parenting.

Then Cowboy Doofus tells the Anesthesiologist that he has an "intimacy problem" and needs a younger doctor to give him some new answers.

At that point, I wanted to get out of bed - IV and all - walk over and say:

"Cowboy, the tires on that wrecked Cutlass are harder than your dick is ever going to be and those tires are going to stay harder longer!"

Then I went out for the LONG 10 count.

Propofol (Diprivan) slows the activity of your brain and nervous system.

Propofol is used to help you relax before and during general anesthesia for surgery or other medical procedures.

After it was all over, I was taken home, had a cup of soup for dinner, and was put in bed.

And then, just THAT above mentioned thought of a less than artful movie montage returned to my head and gave me the giggles. All night.

Then, in recovery, I found out he was in to get arthroscopic orthopedic surgery for a wrist repair. Maybe that REPAIR will solve his intimacy problems!

Or maybe the injury is the RESULT of his intimacy problems.

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