STEAMING HEAP o PUMPKINS

Depending on who you’re talking to in Ken-tuck, D.C., New York, or the marginalized lunatic fringe conspiracy nuts on the internet, “facts” range from mundane to the nefarious with a junior senator from Ken-tuck getting five of his ribs busted.

Rand Paul’s injuries were sustained in a gated community in Bowling Green, Kentucky, where he’s lived since the mid-1990s.

The junior senator, of slight build (wimpy) and deaf (WHAT?) in one ear, was a wearin' noise-cancelin' earmuffs and a mowin' his grass. _(Say "Ramen!")_

His neighbor of 13 years, a retired anesthesiologist named Rene Boucher, tackled him to the ground, accidently breaking his frail ribs.

Police arrested Boucher and charged him with class A fourth-degree assault, a misdemeanor.

(1) A person is guilty of assault in the fourth degree when: (a) He intentionally or wantonly causes physical injury to another person; or (b) With recklessness he causes physical injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon or a dangerous instrument. (2) Assault in the fourth degree is a Class A misdemeanor.
508.030 Assault in the fourth degree.

Boucher was released on $7,500 cash, but he's due back in court on Thursday.

Meanwhile, Paul, an eye doctor, is a keepin' out of sight in Bowling Green. (Was it a strike or a spare?)

Doug Stafford, Paul’s senior adviser said: “It is a pending, serious criminal matter involving state and federal authorities.”

Matthew J. Baker, an attorney for Boucher, said: “The unfortunate occurrence of November 3rd has absolutely nothing to do with either’s politics or political agendas.”

Instead, Baker called it, “a very regrettable dispute between two neighbors over a matter that most (common) people would regard as trivial.”

Initially, reports said macho-man libertarian Paul sustained minor injuries.

Meanwhile, CNN reported that a different neighbor claimed Boucher “has a long-running dispute over grass clippings and compost smells blown onto his property.”

According to the rulebook for homeowners in Rivergreen, certain types of swimming pools (e.g. Oakie above-ground), “gravel driveways, (Oakie) clotheslines, and (Oakie) piles of firewood visible to neighbors,” are strictly verboten.

The Times reported that Paul “grows pumpkins on his property, composts and has shown disdain for neighborhood (local, state, and federal) regulations.”

Rivergreen’s developer, a local named Jim Skaggs, told the Times that Paul and Boucher “both had strong opinions --and different ones-- about what ‘property rights’ mean.” He added, “They just couldn’t get along. I think it had very little to do with… politics.”